Wednesday, 31 October 2012

‎14 Steps to Follow Before You Decide to Have Children

I saw this shared status post, shared by Dianne Downing. There was no mention of who wrote it, I laughed! It seems very much like a article. I'll search for it there and try to find a link.

Enjoy, as a mother of two small children I certainly did!

Sandy Bigara


‎14 Steps to Follow Before You Decide to Have Children.

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.
2. Leave it there.
3. After 9 months remove 5% of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children:-

1. Go to a local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet onto the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself
2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2: Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life that you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights

To discover how the nights will feel:

1. Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 4 - 6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.
2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.
4. Set the alarm for 3am.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.
6. Go to bed at 2.45am.
7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.
9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.
10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for 5 years. LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4: Dressing Small Children

1. Buy a live octopus and a string bag.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no arms hangout.

Time Allowed: 5 minutes.

Test 5: Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical 5-door wagon.
2. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.
4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits; mash them into the back seat.
5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6: Going For a Walk

1. Wait.
2. Go out the front door.
3. Come back in again.
4. Go out.
5. Come back in again.
6. Go out again.
7. Walk down the front path.
8. Walk back up it.
9. Walk down it again.
10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.
11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least 6 questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.
12. Retrace your steps.
13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbours come out and stare at you.
14. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Test 7: Conversations with children

Repeat everything you say at least 5 times.

Test 8: Grocery Shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child - a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.
2. Buy your weekly groceries without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.
3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9: Feeding a 1 year-old

1. Hollow out a melon
2. Make a small hole in the side
3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it side to side
4. Now get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.
5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.
6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure that a lot of it falls on the floor.

Test 10: TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the Wiggles, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.
2. Watch nothing else on television for at least 5 years.

Test 11: Mess

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out:

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds and then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon. How does that look?
4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house onto the floor and proceed with step 5.
5. Drag randomly items from one room to another room & leave them there.

Test 12: Long Trips with Toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting 'Mummy' repeatedly. Important Notes: No more than a 4 second delay between each 'Mummy'. Include occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet.
2. Play this tape in your car, everywhere you go for the next 4 years.

You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Test 13: Conversations

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.
2. Have someone else continually tug on your shirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Test 14: Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.
2. Put on your finest work attire.
3. Take a cup of cream and put 1 cup of lemon juice in it
4. Stir
5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt
6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture
7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel
8. Do not change (you have no time).
9. Go directly to work

You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!!
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KZN Youth Choir Christmas Concert

The KZN Youth Choir invites you to a Barnyard style Christmas Concert.

KZN You Choir Christmas Concert
Clifton College
17th of November 2012
R100 for adults
R25 for children under 13
Bookings: Margie Barratt on 031 205 3448 or 083 655 4417

Information courtesy of Jason Bird.
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Thursday, 25 October 2012

Habit To Band SA

I am stepping away from a classical music lesson filled with chocolate cupcakes, to show you something... understand. I have put down a freshly iced chocolate cupcake... Just to type this.

Firstly, for the love of all thing music, please click on the following link. Where you will tick a box online, add your vote to the growing total, and then skip merrily on your way. No sign-ups. No drama. Just a vote.
Here we go:

Secondly, here is Habit To's facebook page (incase you need to do some FBI-type snooping before you vote):!/habittoband

And, finally, here is their website (pretty cool in my humble chocolate tainted opinion):

I have known the lead singer Chillie Stent since we were teens haggling over a Guitar Chord dictionary while on Choir camp, so I can vouch for her - she is amazing.

Go and vote now, while I get back to my Handel's Laschia Ch'io Pianga and my cake...

Thank'ya kindly :)

Sandy Bigara
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Friday, 19 October 2012

Leon Van Rensburg Wanted For Arrest

Latest article relating to Leon Van Rensburg:

All articles relating to Leon Van Rensburg:

I am so heart sore, I know that there is mention of all facts being revealed this Sunday in the Sunday Tribune. 

I am waiting to see what actually happened. 

I know Leon, he is a good man. He loves his family… if there is some undercover drama and mental illness (which does seem quite possible at this time) then I really pray for strength for his family and for him as well.

I hope that he turns himself in safely and that the process of restoring the damage begins. For his children’s sake.

Take care all.

Sandy Bigara

Friday, 12 October 2012

Leon Van Rensburg Update by Bernadette Wolhuter iol online

Paul Khan just shared this new information on our Neighbourhood Watch wall:

October 12 2012 at 07:51am
By Bernadette Wolhuter

IOL online

Hijacking victim Leon van Rensburg, 52, is said to be safely back with his family.

Related Stories
Hijack victim still missing

Durban - The search for the missing New Germany father, Leon van Rensburg, 52, who was thought to have been hijacked, was called off on Thursday night when he made contact with a family friend saying he was safe and needed a lift home.

His brother-in-law, Rob Gardner, said he understood that Van Rensburg had been dumped near Underberg after being hijacked on Tuesday. His white Toyota Tazz was found abandoned near Kokstad on Wednesday.

He apparently made his way to a phone and called a friend who lived in Howick. The friend collected him and returned him home, to his wife and children, on Thursday night.

Gardner described the three days during which Van Rensburg was missing as "taxing" on the family.

"I'm relieved he's safe and coming home," his wife, Shirley, said.

She said that the couple's two sons, Graham and Andrew, as well as their daughter, Megan, were delighted.

Although the full story of what happened is still to unfold, it is understood the IT technician was hijacked near his home while on his way to a meeting.

Megan, 15, was sent an SMS reading "Help, hijacked" from her father's phone at 10.41am. She was at school at the time and only saw the SMS four hours later.

Van Rensburg's family and friends said that until Thursday night, he had had not been seen or heard from. His bank account had also remained inactive.

News of his reappearance dominated local chatter on social media networks.

"It has been absolutely incredible and we are blown away," his wife said about the support the family had received.

Police spokesman Jay Naicker said police were on their way to the family's home to interview Van Rensburg to get to the bottom of what happened.
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Why So Quiet?

Well, firstly, I've made a promise that at 60,000 views I will bungee jump off Moses Mabida Stadium - so I'm in no hurry to boost page views... No jokes.

Secondly, blogger has changed their look and I can no longer work straight from my Cell Phone anymore (modern tech is meant to assist - I feel like I've gone back to 2006 when I had no smart phone, but anyway) - if you need to know what "Internet" in South Africa is like - just check out the meme attached - Internet Explorer... In fact, ANY of them (yes Firefox and Google Chrome I'm talkin'ta'you!) I'm working off a portable USB modem at the moment and it... is... slooooow....

Thirdly, I have been busy! (Yay!) My colab with Shika Budhoo (Beswitched! @ The Catalina Theatre) was an absolute pleasure and soon to be relived! (We are back 19, 20 and 21st October!) Also, my children's show Singa Little Longa played at the Durban Botanical Gardens and was a LOT of fun!

Ps. Sorry for typo's, am typing while cooking supper AND bathing two verrry busy little girls!

Take care,

Sandy Bigara


Check out if you have a moment :) xx
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Thursday, 11 October 2012

Leon Van Rensburg Found Alive and Well!

Graham Van Rensburg, son of Leon Van Rensburg (hijack and kidnap victim) wrote on his facebook profile:


I am so relieved that you are safe my friend!!

Sandy Bigara
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