Monday, 10 October 2011

Man-up, Men.

I read an interesting article today which prompted me to write this. I have read quite a few similar articles across the web, and I have noticed this trend. I have also read countless Facebook status's where women are complaining. The issue at hand?: Men need to grow up.

The facts and stats stated in the following article are interesting: and show that there is a steady decline happening.

What are your views? Is this Just an American problem? A friend of mine, Duane Kay, has a gift for writing 'Life Guidelines' here's what he wrote today:
"Thought For Today:
Ephesians 6v4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

God knows that Fathers provoke their kids. God was mindful of Fathers and their behaviours. Yet, it's sad to see that today we have Grown Boys called Fathers who borrow from their kids, think their kids owe them the world, live by pride and PROVOKE their kids to anger. Some Men are nothing without their children, whether biological or step. It's sad that Fathers would lead their children to bottle stores, and not to church. Grow-Boy."

Why are men not stepping up to the plate? In South Africa across the racial sphere's there are too many Fatherless children. Too many split families. Too many 'surprise kids' - Boys don't have actual male role models anymore. They have their school friends, the TV, Wii, Playstation or my personal worst(haha) Ben10, as their guides.

No wonder men grow up with no 'hope'.

You may slate me for pushing Religion - but I'm telling you now, solid Family, good positive Religion and honest Hard Work go hand in hand to build a man.

Sandy Bigara


  1. Hi Sandy,

    While I understand your exasperation at what seems at times to be poor behaviour from the majority of men, I think some more careful inspection of the facts would be useful here.

    Firstly, lets look at this from an evolutionary perspective. The role of man, in order to ensure the survival of his offspring, was to provide food, safety and security for his children and their mother. Unfortunately, there is also evolutionary advantage to not allowing your wife to be impregnated by any other man. This led to jealousy, and eventually wife beating, in order to ensure the success of his lineage. Of course, we humans like to think of ourselves as transcending evolutionary impulses in favour of morality. This is a noble goal, and we must strive to ensure that we treat others as we would be treated ourselves.

    Secondly, religion too is a byproduct of evolution, one which has caused far more damage to the family structure than good. One needs to only look at the denigration of women in Islam, or oppression of homosexual people in Christianity, to be convinced that religion is part of the problem, and not a solution.
    Perhaps the solution lies solely in education.

    Education is the only way that the social problems that we've inherited from the mess of history can begin to be undone. Lots of societies are getting closer, but I fear it will be hundreds, if not thousands of years before this and other social problems will be resolved.

    Perhaps most importantly, I think it is important to start thinking in terms of our progression as human beings, rather than in terms of sex, race or other. Children are abused and abandoned by both sexes, not just men.

    Thanks for the thoughts.

  2. Thanks for your comment, there is one reason and one reason only that I am a believer in God and in particular, in Jesus.

    I have had unexplainable spiritual experiences, and have witnessed hectic paranormal activity in my life. For some reason, I am able to ‘see’ things that are not flesh and bone – I didn’t ask for this ability and I successfully avoided dealing with it for nearly 15 years. I have helped people by praying with them and the only thing that removes these ‘things’ is the name “Jesus” – You know the movie ‘paranormal’ well, those things happened in our home, lights on and off, hot spots, voices, banging you name it we had it.

    I’ve also been present when people decided to become Christian, I can only explain it like this: They seem to become lighter. Something lifts off of them.

    I agree that there is a lot of ‘religion’ out there that is a blatant mess. But the purpose of faith – and I mean personally, faith in Jesus – is to grow, to nurture, to accept and love one another, to urge one another to greatness, to push onward and become all that you are meant to be. To honour and respect each other. The big issue with ‘sin’ is this: we are ALL imperfect. We all mess up. But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try.

    The gay issue is a tough one. Christians pointing fingers at others doesn’t solve the issue. The truth is that all sin is equal, the bible is clear regarding homosexual relationships but, at the end of the day, God will still be the judge and he is a fair and just judge. Not like us. He knows what has led us to be homo or hetero – some people say it is genetic, some say spiritual, some say it is conditioned… surely if God is who some believe he is, then he will be able to look at all of that? I believe so. I also believe that people can change if they are so inclined to, I am a Christian, but I am also a Bisexual. I have married a man, I love him dearly but have also had to deal with the fact that I am attracted to women as well. I am not ashamed of it, but it has given me greater tolerance towards people who have feelings for people of the same sex. It is something that I don’t encourage in myself, because in my heart I feel that it is wrong – and this is MY personal conviction.

    I believe in being open and honest – hope you don’t mind. Life just isn’t black and white. All I know is this: I will always believe in Jesus – simply because of the life I have lived, the things that I have seen.

  3. I also agree with you re Women and Men being equally to blame - I suppose the world has really pushed Women in business... and Men across the globe do seem to be feeling a bit 'hopeless' as a result. I've heard many friends speak of feeling inadequate or unable to provide properly for their families.

    In SA if you are white and middle aged you are unemployable. Or, you can get work but at minimum wage - it's very stressful for men. But, if you are a Woman and middle aged, you are more likely to be employed because you are not Male...and it looks good on the company BBBEE profile.

    Very stressful.

    The other issue with absentee fathers is this: The African culture requires a large dowry/lobola payment be made to the parents of a girl when she gets married. Families are asking for almost one years salary as lobola... as a result, young couples are involved intimately and having kids...while not being married. The sad thing is that this is not their choice. This lobola restriction also affects them relationally, the ladies complain that they can never fully 'love' their boyfriend because 'it cant go anywhere' - how sad :( I am an incurable romantic. This would be the end of me!

  4. Thank you for being so open and candid. I thought I should think about what you said more carefully before responding.

    While I respect your right to believe what you want, I must, as an inquisitive mind, subject it to critical reasoning.

    The thing is, Sandy, were you born in India you would most likely be Hindu. Were you born in the middle east or north Africa, you would in all likelihood be Muslim. Ad nauseum. And all adherents to these religion, would give me multiple reasons as to why their religion is the true and only one.
    Furthermore, all these religions are based solely upon what is written in scripture, and sometimes upon anecdotal evidence.
    Forgive me for saying so, but I find it incredulous that just because something was written down, that people believe it. The story of Jesus is a good example. The story, as it appears in the bible, was written down centuries after his supposed life, and resurrection. Now, ignoring the fact that lots of details were probably skewed, and or lost, being recorded only orally for so long, don't you think that the story was most likely exaggerated after so much time?
    It seems that whenever people have received a message from god, it was done in secret, away from any witnesses. This seems highly suspicious to me, to say the least.
    Scientifically speaking, there is no evidence of a God (or any other supernatural forces).
    Which is not to say that these things don't exist. But don't you think that a personal god, who wants to communicate with his creations, would have left more compelling evidence that he is there?
    The problem is that religious people make these claims, and then say that the burden of disproving god lies with scientists. That is not the way science works. The burden of proof lays with those making the claim. Lets say that I claim there is a red teapot orbiting the sun between Earth and Mars. Now, to a scientist, this is impossible to detect, and he would tell me that it is up to me to provide irrefutable proof for my claims before he will entertain them.

    Now, I realise that experientially you have much anecdotal evidence to support your view on God. And you may even say that you have a personal relationship with him. This is not borne out by the facts unfortunately. To this I would say that you are misinterpreting your experiences. I do not mean to be rude, or insulting to your faith, I just mean to explore the root of religion...

    Perhaps my biggest issue with faith, is that it is purportedly the evidence of things unseen. This statement is so open to abuse, it is obscene. In order to believe what I want, regardless of what actual experience and facts tell us, I simply need to have faith. It is the perfect tool to mislead the masses with.

    Which brings me to the issue of homosexuality. It is obscene to me that people should be oppressed because of what is written in a very old book. It is ridiculous that people's sexuality should even be the concern of anyone else. That gay people should be restricted in getting married at all, is absurd to the extreme. Who gave any religious people the mandate to tell me how to live my life? Sorry. This issue makes my blood boil.

    Anyway, I will end my diatribe now :) Hope I haven't offended you. I really enjoy these discussions, and it enlightenment is my goal, both for you and for me.

  5. Hi Sandy,

    It seems my comment got lost in the post :( Please let me know if you got it... I spent a lot of time writing that post. Thanks :)

  6. Hi there, yes I got it thank you :o) I read it on my phone while rushing around! Thank you for your time in writing it up! I'm a little quiet, busy launching my Novel here and the book launch is looming! (like getting married all over again!) Have a fab day


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