Saturday, 13 August 2011

A Picture of Strength : Teenage Pregnancy

They say that there is strength in beauty, and beauty in strength. Bear with me. I’m having a moment.
I have had the pleasure of meeting up with an old friend a few months ago, an ex-student of mine who has had an interesting change in her life. She is a teenage Mum and has weathered the storms of prejudice and judgement to bring an incredibly special little baby girl into the world. Her name is Chelsea and I wanted to honour her strength and determination with this blog post.



Now obviously teenage sex, underage sex and sex before marriage are not high on my “Things I approve of” list – but, life happens, mistakes happen, love happens. It’s what you DO about it that matters.

I still read the PRO LIFE vs ABORTION articles raging on the internet…
but the truth is – I don’t know of ONE woman who has had an abortion and been happy about it in the long run. Not one. They may be slightly relieved but they never, ever, forget the date of the abortion, they torment themselves with the ‘date of birth’ that should have happened, they cry at Sweet 16, at 18 and at 21 when they *don’t* get to hand their baby the Key to the Door… instead they spend the day thinking about how they ended their baby’s life.

As women we are geared towards loving that which grows within us, now when I say “as women” I am generalising, I don’t mean every single woman across every social and class sphere ok? People who are starving in deserts and slums who end up with dead babies are not included in this blog post – that is a whole other article and one without answers…  we are made to feel love for our offspring, which is why we don’t turf them after the 600th napalm nappy, puke fountain and scream filled night. We love them. We nurture them. They become engrained in our psyche for life.

Now Chelsea had an option, she found herself at a very tender age, pregnant, and at a cross roads. Thank God her mother Angie supported her whole heartedly and together they shouted NO ABORTION! And boy are they pleased they did.



Baby Kourtney is beautiful, she has blessed them with her life, and will grow up alongside them the way it should be. The way she was *destined* too. It will not always be easy, Chelsea has a long journey ahead of her, but she has her daughter by her side and is nurturing her beautifully – a really natural earth mother. They will be just fine.

Here is a great website that I found – it supports young teen mothers and offers a friendly ear, or a comforting word: www.standupgirl.com

Their Facebook group is: http://www.facebook.com/standupgirl their twitter page is: http://twitter.com/#!/Stand_up_girl and their youtube page is: http://www.youtube.com/standupgirl - if you are pregnant and alone then go there and have a look.

Don’t ever feel hopeless. A child is NOT a burden, a child will teach you selflessness, responsibility and most of all, a child will teach you that you are STRONG and CAPABLE. The only thing that “dies” when you give birth is your selfishness – and it screams as it dies. You are a better person in the end.

Choose life.





Sandy Bigara

9 comments:

  1. I agree with these views and also hav a daughter who was in the same situation 2 years ago whom we supported with all our love. We are now Grandparents of a beautiful little Grandson who has been a Blessing to our family, cud not imagine life without him! He is such a loved child and his Dad is very much involved in his life 2! Teenage pregnancy is a reality but so is that little life of a child being a special creation of God. ABORTION IS MURDER!

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  2. Nice post.
    While I admire your sentiment, and also your non judgemental support of this girl, I find your phrasing - Pro-Life vs. Abortion, quite disingenuous.
    The correct term, as I'm certain you are well aware, is Pro-Life vs Pro Choice.
    Regardless of where you stand on this issue it is important to take a non inflammatory stand-point, especially if you are trying to get a point across.
    Imagine if someone were to phrase it Pro Choice vs Anti Choice.
    Doesn't really sound so good does it? Even though it is technically correct.

    You are perfectly entitled to your opinions, but in the interests of inviting open non-judgemental discourse, I would advise against inflammatory statements such as this one.

    Lesley, I understand your strong feelings. It is an area which is very difficult to navigate, and almost impossible to find a compromise, but let me say it again. Statements such as ""abortion is murder" are inflammatory, and only serve to disengage the very people you are trying to reach. Religion has heaped judgement and guilt upon the weakest of us for millenia, and I am sure you will agree it is not very enticing (or moral).

    Now, for my opinion. If you don't mind.

    Pro-Choice is just that. It is support of choice. No one WANTS to have an abortion. It is not a decision taken lightly by anyone. But it is still a decision which is a woman's to make.
    It has been shown time and time again, that if you want to provide a community with economic and social growth - a means to support themselves; give women control over their own bodies and reproduction. The stigmatisation of both birth control, and abortion arises from a misogynistic view of the world, one led by the Catholic Church, which has held back many a society from prospering. This needs to change, and women need to be given the freedom to choose their own futures.

    Along with this freedom of choice, MUST come education, which is where people like Sandy come in, educating young women about what the decision they are to make really entails, and the likely consequences of each choice. But this needs to be done in a bipartisan way, with honest, impartial evidence.

    Thanks for the post and thoughts Sandy.

    John.

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  3. SA Follower of Christ5 August 2011 at 01:12

    ABORTION IS MURDER.

    If you don't believe it is murder you are going to hell. God commanded us not to murder. It is as simple as that.

    John Self you and all others that believe in abortion are the reason that this country is going to hell.

    I wish you, and all your other 'elightened' friends in government would wake up and see the damage you are doing to this society.

    Unfortunately, I don't think that will happen. But one day you will be face to face with your maker, and he will send you to the depths of hell for your terrible sins against unborn children.
    And you'll deserve it.

    Follower of Christ.

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  4. FROM SANDY BIGARA WRITER OF THE BLOG:

    @ SA Follower of Christ - please refrain from being volatile and heavy here - it doesn’t motivate positive change which is what God would want from this situation, we need to be actively encouraging and motivation change around us. Yes, Murder is bad Exodus 20:13 “You shall not murder. it is a sin, and all sin is equal. Interestingly enough, people motivate abortion saying “she is under age, she is not married but listen to this KING DAVID wrote after he was caught with Bathsheba “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.” And if God could use him, then he can use any ill conceived child. We also cannot condemn women to hell for having an abortion when they are at rock bottom and feel they have no alternative, James 2:10 says “For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it. “ Hence, we ALL fall short. Most of the wonderful women I know (Christian and non-Christian) are divorced or re-married Matthew 5:32 says “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. “ So does that mean that God has not forgiven the women in our churches who have suffered divorce? The Grace of God is sufficient to cover ALL sin. I don’t mean that we must condone abortion or the killing of infants. Let’s rather be clever about how we go about it. Encourage and motivate change.

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  5. Firstly, Sandy, I commend your call for calm, especially in a conversation about such a highly charged subject. It is exactly this bipartisan approach to mediation to which I referred to in my previous post.

    SAFOC, thank you for weighing in here, and I hope you will give me the chance to respond, and be open to what I say.

    Unfortunately, for me at least, your point hinges on the belief in a god. This is not a belief we share. No evidence has yet been found of there being any god, let alone yours. The absence of your god is especially welcome, because from what I have read of him he is not a very nice guy. Remember, abortion is not like saying that every living child of the Amalekites should be destroyed and an injunction by God to Moses to say he’s been too merciful and he spared too many children and enslaved too few women and didn’t make the genocide complete.
    That is the god you "follow".

    I do not wish to offend you. I simply wish to enlighten you to the fact that not everybody believes what you believe. In fact, I would say that very few people, thankfully, believe what you do.

    My point is that were the government of South Africa to institute law based on a single religion, that would be outrageously immoral. That the government has considered these matters from a humanist/secular vantage point, is extremely important, and highly laudable. It makes it more trustworthy. (Which is not to say that they always get it right, but it is far far better than basing law on the customs and traditions of a random group of people that lived millenia ago, whose culture and way of life bear scant resemblance to our culture today.)

    That an ectopic pregnancy, in others words, a direct threat to the life of the mother, a Fallopian tube pregnancy is, instead of a direct threat to the life of the mother and an obvious no-starter for a human embryo, because that’s going anyway, is someone who should be allowed to vote. This is nonsense. It’s casuistry. It’s immoral. It’s superstition and it prevents people from thinking seriously about matters that humanism can decide for itself, for heaven’s sake, without any supernatural intervention.

    Before you respond to me, I would ask that you consult the following flowchart, and decide if we can continue our conversation.

    John

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  6. Apologies. Flowchart here - http://rudd-o.com/en/archives/debate-flowchart/images/debate-flow-chart.jpg

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  7. Thank you John Self for a more informative comment. We should not put everyone under one box and judge them the same. People are all different out there and this is one thing we should appreciate. We should embrace that we are give the ability to make such choices. In a time when there are people who do have children and are unable to care and love them in the way that they would best deserve. Who are we to judge when someone is mature enough to know their limits? Who are we to judge??

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  8. Being the mother of a teen who is about to give birth in three weeks to a little girl, I can only give you my humble experience. When we found out my daughter was pregnant, we were shocked, dissapointed and scared for her because we , being parents, know the road she is to walk - and to walk it so young and possibly as a single parent is even harder. However we made a concious decision at that point to support and love her through this experience. This will always be her first pregnancy and we wanted the memories to be special - in a couple of years time, no-one will really care about the age she is now. This is not something she planned but she has embraced it as much as she can with the maturity and wisdon she has at this point in her developing life. I do not condone teen pregnancy as I am fully aware of the hard walk it is - but I also think there is a choice from society as to how we deal with teen's that are pregnant. Yes we can express our sadness at the loss of innocence and possible opportunities, but we can also rejoice in a new life and beginning and support teen parents from this point with what we as older people can pass on and into their lives. We can turn the negative into a positive - it may just be via a different route. The choice , as socoiety, is ours.

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  9. Thank you for making reference to StandUpGirl.com. I am a Stand Up girl and help moderate the forums, chat's and letters. I can say we are all StandUpGirl's. We are here to listen, provide some guidance and support girls that find themselves in a pregnancy situation they might not have expected. Out goal is to guide these young ladies with resources and support services to help them now and in the future. We only hope that more people will spread the good news about our site.

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