Wednesday, 24 August 2011

Skinny Jean Pant Rant

Please note: I am NOT attacking men of all shapes and sizes, I think that it takes all kinds of body types and 'looks' to make life interesting, I am merely poking fun at a very risky fashion item that is not being worn correctly - hopefully those few who are wearing these pants will make sure that they actually look good in them?!

Also, where I mention "I just happen to like men who look like men" I am referring directly to the bootleg and bellbottom pants mentioned previously, the Hugh Jackman part is simply because he's hot.

Seriously though... if my thoughts offend you then please, go to another blog that doesn't.


I will probably be shot at dawn for stating my opinion here but… Oh my word. What is up with men and Skinny Jeans??!!?

I know who designed them.
The same man who wore a green mani-tard on International Stage and Screen.

As with the Elvin Shoe Saga I have to say that Skinny Jeans are like Lycra. Wearing Lycra is a privilege … not a right. Some men are wearing Skinny Jean-Pant without a licence.

The Pro’s:
1. They are Skinny
2. They are Jeans
3. They are Pants

The Con’s:
1. Men who wear them think that they look hot in them.
2. Men with short stumpy legs wear them because "They're slimming"
3. Very thin guys wear them, prompting me to try and feed them something nutritious, and get them back onto the “healthy weight” bandwagon.

There are certain ways that the Skinny Jean-Pant is worn, let me expand…
1. “La’Poef” - loose boxer underwear is worn close to the top of the Skinnies, causing the underwear to spill out into view, causing a “Poef” of soft boxer fabric to stick out the back.
Now that’s what I call classy.

2. “The Muffin Top” – Men with large posteriors wear the Skinnies and fail to pull them up periodically (as one must have to do as the Skinnies like to travel south throughout the day) causing the top third of their bum’s to become exposed… aka the Muffin Top. Most men also tend to bend down by crouching – this makes the Muffin Top into a full blown moon. Thanks for that.
Downright Delicious Looking Muffins

3. “The Wet Nappy” – Men with NO posteriors wear the Skinnies pulled down low, accompanied by tight white T-Shirts, when viewed from behind, the back section of the Skinnies along with the first 10cm of thigh section slip down and hang like… yes, a wet nappy. Awesome.
"Did you make a booboo?"

 4. “Cigarette Leg” – Some men, bless them, have amazing legs. Rugby players, for instance can wear Skinnies (with tight suspenders to avoid the inevitable muffin top or la‘poef reaction) but some men, especially the tall slender ones, have very straight and undefined legs (Boointjie Stokke) and when they wear the Skinnies they tend to *not* look like Skinnies at all, but rather like “thinner than normal” jeans… that look like Cigarette’s. Lekker.
The Cigarette Leg. (Let's not mention the Shoes!!)

5. “Crinkly Bottom Skinny Jean-Pant” – Short men tend to love Skinnies, perhaps they think that the pants “lengthen them” I have no idea. All I know is that the jeans then drag on the floor and fray, or become crinkly as the extra length of jean battles to find it’s place…
The Crinkly Bottom Skinny Jean Pantoffel

Are you a fan of Skinnies? Are you a WOMAN who is a fan of Skinnies?

I am very firmly still a bootleg or bell bottom fan, I also happen to love men who actually look like men. Give me hairy Hugh Jackman any day.
Specimen of Manliness

Let me know what YOU think.

Sandy Bigara


  1. I agree. I also hate fat women, and I like my women to look like a woman - I love big boobs.

    (see how sexist it sounds when its the other way round?)

    Also, when trying to show how terrible an item of clothing is, I also try google images of people with terrible sense of fashion, just to PROVE my opinion is correct.
    Fact is, all clothing can look good or bad.
    Another fact. Some people have a terrible sense of fashion, and will make anything look terrible.
    That isn't the item of clothing's fault.

  2. i do in some way slightly agree with sexy - but thank goodness for variety, that some where skinnies and some dont, some wear pointies, some square. it adds to our uniqueness. and we all need to dress in what suits our particular figure. i think to say one thing is wrong and another right is incorrect, because its all subjective based on our own personal opinions and what appeals to us

  3. Guys: can't you see this blog for what it is? It is light-hearted, South-Africanized, social commentary about a recent trend. The writer has made it clear in using light sarcasm and irony that this is a very tongue-in-cheek article. Why not enjoy it for what it is. If you would still like to rip it apart: note that the writer has generously supplied examples of 5 different types of skinny jeans wearers including one wearer who wears them very well. Therefore, the issue is not about the item but rather that the item's wearer should think before wearing them if their objective is to impress women such as this blog's writer. I liked the article and I welcome more of this humourous social commentary - to mark the times that we live in.

  4. I think what stopped me enjoying the article was the line: "I also happen to love men who actually look like men."
    Yes, it is a light-hearted commentary, but it is comments like these that encourage the objectification of both men and women. It might not be obvious, but were this about women, it would be clearly offensive to say that some women are less women than others because of how they appear.
    Perhaps I am being overly sensitive, but how would the author of the blog feel if her womanhood were called into question over her fashion choices, or her weight?
    Almost all of the fashion choices above are horrific. However, they do not represent all men, and they do not represent all skinny jeans.

    But that is beside the point.

    And one further thing. Humour is not a license to say anything you wish without reprisal. Often people's bigotry come out when they feel they are behind the mask of humour, and feel they should face no blame for their comments if made in jest. (I do not think the author is being bigoted here at all so please do not get offended)

    @Jean - I would suggest looking up what irony actually means before using it again ;)

  5. Hmmm ... Can I have a plate of snide with a slice of biting sarcasm, and a touch of bithyness for peppering. No but really its not the jeans fault, shame poor jeans (oops I'm personifying inanimate pieces of material), its the people who buy them - guys or girls, doesn't make any difference. There are 3 types of people who should wear skinny jeans: short legged Irishman, Leprechauns and short legged Irishman Leprechauns, either way the resulting appearance is the same. So if you want to look like a Leprechaun, then wear skinny jeans. But don't stop there, throw in a pair of pointy shoe cockroach-in-a-corner killers to complete the look. Oh and green is in!!! Not! Oh this comment doesn't apply to Asians. Skinny jeans and Asians are like thumbs up, it just works (just opinion of course - biased, subjective, tinted, tainted, and tarnished).


  6. Dear Frank,

    That made me smile.

    Thank you.



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