Sunday, 25 January 2009

Little Heart (25-12-08)

Little heartbeat in the dark.
I lost you before I knew I had you, 
ended, before you could start...

...Thinking of you little heart, 
with a longing question mark:
what if?

So still now, little heart.

love, Mum.

Sunday, 4 January 2009

Pressed but not Crushed

Well, so much has happened that I really don't know where to begin.


Francis was unfairly dismissed and we suddenly found ourselves facing a very serious and urgent crisis. Zero income for at least 4 months.

My businesses are tailored around the school terms and as the end of year November approached my paychecks were disappearing and would only reappear mid to end January. We were faced with a choice. To move out of our beautiful little house and rent it (in an attempt to save it) or, stay put and wait until the banks closed in and we lost everything.

We sold our beautiful Opel Astra 1.4 essentia and bought a 2000 Peugeot XL Stationwagon (loving it!!)

My beloved Grandmother stepped in and offered a solution. My Mother also stepped in and offered her support (without which we would be eating dry pasta every night) and so, we have found ourselves at the beginning of January, out of our home and living in my Grandmother's house.

My mother has kindly given her Granny flat to my Gran, allowing us to live in the bigger house, next door to my Mum. We breathe a sigh of relief while crying tears of sadness as we say goodbye to our home.


Today I stood and let the tears roll as I looked at my garden, my trees, lavenders, my snap-dragons, my portulacas, my fig tree and my porch, remembering my three dogs (we now have one) running to greet me. I went inside and saw my rooms empty. My murals seem out of place without my photo's and furniture. Francis and I were emotional saying a fond farewell to the baby room that we so lovingly prepared for Savanna Rae only 11.5 months ago. We thought that she would grow up there with her siblings one day…

And yet, in spite of the sadness, we are so touched by the amazing opportunity afforded to us, we will be bond free for a while thanks to the trade in of the car, and the rental that we'll get from the house. It means that we can begin again and re-grow ourselves. We were so close to paying off the house – nine years away in fact. We intend to pay it off even sooner now. We have both found ourselves at the foot of potentially great job opportunities.


I am going to buy myself the new Mac Power-book this year (with the earnings from my show company I can get it on HP) and then I can start to record my first full album. I am so excited about it – I'm hiring my Mum to promote me… she's a natural ;) I also want to get my first short film under wraps. As soon as I am set up I will follow through on this… Francis and I are fully motivated to get ourselves right. I couldn't possibly write all of our plans down but know this – we are pressed but not crushed. Persecuted – not abandoned. Struck down – but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:9


Sands x